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 · 1,844 ratings  · 314 reviews

Get-go your review of It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single

Jun 29, 2014 Catherine rated it it was amazing

When you are dying to vent to a single friend, but there are no unmarried friends left, read this book.

When you need a moment of reassurance to remember you're non crazy and you're non doing it all wrong, read this volume.

When yous think yous'll kill the side by side person that says "Information technology'll happen when you to the lowest degree look it!" or "Yous only have to put yourself out there!", read this volume.

When yous are dying to vent to a single friend, but there are no single friends left, read this book.

When you need a moment of reassurance to call up you're not crazy and you're not doing it all incorrect, read this volume.

When you remember you'll impale the next person that says "Information technology'll happen when you to the lowest degree expect it!" or "You just take to put yourself out there!", read this book.

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Good grief, it's like this woman took all the thoughts I've e'er had about existence unmarried--and all the comments friends and family have e'er said to me near my being single--and put them in writing. Only, she added in a lot of actually sort of helpful Buddhist ways of looking at it--all of which were much kinder and more hopeful and productive than anything I've read earlier, without all the usual "Don't worry, y'all'll notice someone" stuff that you'd get from your friends. Not that I make a habit of Good grief, information technology'southward like this woman took all the thoughts I've ever had about being unmarried--and all the comments friends and family accept ever said to me about my existence single--and put them in writing. Only, she added in a lot of really sort of helpful Buddhist ways of looking at it--all of which were much kinder and more hopeful and productive than annihilation I've read earlier, without all the usual "Don't worry, y'all'll find someone" stuff that you'd get from your friends. Not that I make a habit of reading self-help books virtually singledom, but anything I have picked up was normally very "Here'south what you lot're doing incorrect" or "I'k single by choice, and I love it!" Since I didn't feel I was in either camp, I couldn't quite chronicle. And don't even go me started on pieces written by twenty-somethings lament near "withal" being unmarried. Urgh. Information technology was kind of overnice to read something from someone in my age group who didn't love being unmarried just who also didn't notice it to be the tragedy that nosotros're often told to believe it is. The fact that the author is now married (Oh no, she's i of THEM!) didn't take anything away from her bulletin, which was heavy on Buddhist teachings virtually mindfulness and meditation that would exist useful for anyone, married or single, combined with some adequately surprising stats and inquiry. I would definitely share this ane with other single folks, merely I'd be more than interested in sharing information technology with married friends and family since information technology nicely sums upwardly how I feel every time someone asks me why I'chiliad not married yet. ...more

DNF at page 106

I recall this might be something I hold onto, but it's not right for me now. I bought this as someone who'southward single, but I've never dated earlier, and subsequently, I've never had difficulty with relationships. This book is marketed and geared toward people who have been in relationships that always fail and they want to be reassured that information technology's not their fault.

Since I've never dated, I felt like the message didn't use to me, so I never got into it, and it wasn't funny or fast-paced

DNF at page 106

I retrieve this might be something I hold onto, but it's not right for me at present. I bought this equally someone who'south single, but I've never dated earlier, and later on, I've never had difficulty with relationships. This book is marketed and geared toward people who have been in relationships that always neglect and they want to be reassured that it's not their mistake.

Since I've never dated, I felt similar the message didn't apply to me, so I never got into it, and it wasn't funny or fast-paced enough for me to read it anyhow even though I couldn't gain anything from it.

There were some quotes I liked from it though, and I'g tempted to keep it but considering it is feminist and has some great lines in it that I could revisit if I demand to in the futurity.

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May 01, 2016 Katie rated it liked it

Mmmmm. Some mixed feelings nearly this one. For i matter, I DID feel a piffling betrayed that the author is married. No, she is not ane of the states. And I've never been one who takes comfort from other people who have defeated the same challenges I face. We might both be/have been single, merely I have other reasons for being that fashion.

The other matter is . . . It didn't entirely fit the single person I am. Nobody asks me why I'1000 single. I call up some of that is simply regional. The Pacific Northwest is pretty

Mmmmm. Some mixed feelings about this one. For 1 thing, I DID feel a trivial betrayed that the author is married. No, she is not one of united states of america. And I've never been i who takes condolement from other people who accept defeated the aforementioned challenges I face up. We might both be/take been single, but I take other reasons for beingness that style.

The other thing is . . . It didn't entirely fit the single person I am. Nobody asks me why I'm single. I think some of that is just regional. The Pacific Northwest is pretty "alive and let live" or at least "live and silently judge." And I'thou non out there, I've never really been out there, and so, yep, a guy is going to take to drop in my lap and even then, I'd probably be as well scared to do anything about it.

Simply . . .

I did really similar the descriptions of unmarried life. How it'south hard considering you lot have to do everything yourself. A lot of times at work, I but find myself actually wishing I had someone I could call and ask to run to the store for me. And heavy groceries similar kitty litter often sit in my car for WEEKS. (I think I accept some laundry detergent in my body now, if anyone wants to go grab that?)

Only then there are the positive sides of existence single. I spent the last two weeks in Disney Globe and New York City. Information technology was nice to be able to practice that without consulting anyone. I become to make all my decisions myself.

Oh, and I know I as well said I resented that the author was married, but I did appreciate her talking about how, actually, information technology wasn't that hard to transition to life equally a couple! I've certainly felt that feeling she talks about, that I am just doomed because I missed out on learning how to be a couple when I was in high school or college or whenever.

(And I don't know if I want to get married. I certainly used to and I don't know if I've given up or but changed my mind.)

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Aug 01, 2015 Tori rated it really liked it

Reading this book fabricated me feel amend.

Most of the time I would say I am happy being single. I'm not going out of my way to meet a life partner, so even the times I practice feel pitiful about it, I tell myself, well, these are the choices y'all've made.

This book isn't actually a how-to or even cocky assist. It'south more a series of essays well-nigh the challenges of being single--emotionally, financially, familially--and how to navigate the minefield that is modern society as an unattached woman. For that reason, a l

Reading this book made me experience better.

Well-nigh of the time I would say I am happy being unmarried. I'g non going out of my fashion to meet a life partner, so fifty-fifty the times I do feel lamentable about information technology, I tell myself, well, these are the choices yous've made.

This book isn't really a how-to or even self help. It's more a series of essays most the challenges of beingness single--emotionally, financially, familially--and how to navigate the minefield that is mod society as an unattached woman. For that reason, a lot of the ideas presented weren't new to me, but they weren't things I'd always had laid out and then succinctly, or ever spent a lot of fourth dimension contemplating. Reading information technology fabricated me feel meliorate nearly my own choices.

1 thing that really stuck out for me was the idea of "self-compassion." We tin can't always have good self-esteem, Eckel tells us, just we can ever strive for self compassion. To treat ourselves with kindness and intendance. And once more, information technology'south not a new idea--you wouldn't talk nigh your friends the fashion we often talk about ourselves--but seeing it spelled out like that really struck a cord with me.

I wouldn't become so far to say that reading this book changed my life, but it did help me to come to terms with the idea that I do have love in my life, all different kinds of love, and that the life I'chiliad living correct now, is indeed my existent life. It's happening and I'one thousand living it. I may never fully move on from the want or desire to find a partner, but that's okay, just as it will be okay if I never exercise find them.

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Feb 08, 2014 Becky rated it really liked it

Off-white alarm for my friends who care: in that location is some limited swearing in this book. Just let's be honest, involuntary singlehood after a certain age deserves at to the lowest degree some profanity.

I read, loved, and shared with a number of friends Sara Eckel's NYTimes 2011 essay that formed a starting point for this book. The last line of that essay peculiarly resonated with me "What's wrong with me? Plenty. But that was never the point." Here she continues the conversation, setting upwardly and knocking down some of

Fair warning for my friends who care: at that place is some express swearing in this book. Merely let'due south exist honest, involuntary singlehood later on a certain age deserves at to the lowest degree some profanity.

I read, loved, and shared with a number of friends Sara Eckel's NYTimes 2011 essay that formed a starting point for this volume. The last line of that essay especially resonated with me "What's wrong with me? Plenty. Just that was never the point." Hither she continues the conversation, setting up and knocking down some of the many reasons people tend to offer in their attempts to answer the unanswerable question of why (fill in the bare with the proper name of the nearest perfectly attractive, intelligent and socially acceptable woman) is withal single. The insidious thing about this listing of reasons (27 of them and yet they all manage to hit home!) is that so many of united states find ourselves bouncing back and forth between beating ourselves over the head with them and going on the defensive confronting them. Or rather, I find myself doing that. I probably shouldn't try to speak for my single friends.

Eckel does a nice job of debunking the presumptions, using logic, scientific studies and entertaining anecdotes. And if some of the logic and studies are strained a fleck in their relevance, I think the overall point still hits abode. The trite explanations for a woman's single status are usually wrong, and well-nigh always unhelpful.

The one fly in the ointment is the last section where she gets into a fleck of hindsight rambling, talking nearly the good things she failed to acknowledge in her single life and including this passage:

Happiness was there the whole time. The problem was, I was so specific most the type of happiness I wanted that I far as well oftentimes ruined a good thing. I wanted the sort of happiness that made me experience normal. I wanted romantic honey, aye, but I also wanted the security and social status that surrounds information technology.

With this, Eckel dips her toes, or perchance fifty-fifty both anxiety, into smug married territory. I have had the conversation many times, including with two unlike friends in just the final 24 hours. My friends and I (squarely in this volume's demographic) know we accept groovy lives. We are happy and grateful for them. Nosotros accept a trend to feel guilty for wanting more when we are already and then blessed. That guilt puts the states right back into the territory of beating ourselves upward over the 27 (wrong) reasons we're unmarried. The desire for romantic love is real and man of us. The guilt is dissentious. Ending the book this style felt pat and a bit patronizing, trying too hard to wrap it all upward in a happy bow: see you're actually happy, no need to fuss near existence alone!

I tin imagine myself rereading this book when I find myself off balance in my thinking about my single status again. I'll just skip that last chapter.

A few passages I liked:

"Humans beings are not houses - you don't walk in and say, "Well, and then long equally we gut the kitchen and add a third bathroom, this could work," or, "Information technology has no charm, but it'due south shut to piece of work and information technology's all I tin can beget." No. You love them as they are."

"The Buddhists say, "Of the ii witnesses, hold the principle one." Pregnant: You're the simply one who knows your experience. As imperfect every bit our analyses may be - as clouded as they are by judgments, worries, and fantasies - they're still the all-time we have."

"Why are you single? Perchance at that place are many reasons, perhaps there are no reasons. The real question is, why are nigh strangers so often compelled to demand answers?"

"I remember the very act of beingness unmarried provides enough difficult-core strength training to put anyone'southward psyche into fighting shape."

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Jan xiii, 2014 Sonya rated it really liked it

Yep, read it. Simply discovered Sara Eckel's Modern Love column recently, so I was interested in what she had to say over the span of 200+ pages, which, basically, is what I wish people could say on a regular footing: friends, family unit, the magazines I don't even read simply I know are out there and spew dating advice BS. People will say that we don't demand books similar this to know that what Eckel says is true, but nosotros do demand more voices maxim that beingness single is not some sort of deficiency. Eckel'southward voic Yep, read information technology. Simply discovered Sara Eckel's Mod Love column recently, then I was interested in what she had to say over the span of 200+ pages, which, basically, is what I wish people could say on a regular basis: friends, family, the magazines I don't even read but I know are out there and spew dating communication BS. People will say that we don't need books like this to know that what Eckel says is true, simply nosotros do demand more voices saying that existence single is not some sort of deficiency. Eckel'south phonation is realistic but comforting. She's definitely someone who "gets it." ...more

The best book I take e'er read about being single/dating.

Dec 08, 2021 Madeline rated it information technology was astonishing

i'one thousand not going to authorize this due west something self deprecating or call this volume cringe.. I mean, yeah, maybe a little, fine. just this volume made me feel seen. it's non going to be useful for everyone and it's non a call to action or instructions, and so much as really kind words, some with references to Buddhist philosophy and some backed past studies, merely more often than not just kind words. also for the tape, I got the well-nigh out of it by mentally just ctrl+f-replacing every mention of marriage to 'loving committed i'chiliad not going to qualify this w something cocky deprecating or call this book cringe.. I mean, yeah, possibly a little, fine. but this volume fabricated me experience seen. it'south not going to be useful for everyone and it's not a telephone call to activity or instructions, so much equally really kind words, some with references to Buddhist philosophy and some backed past studies, but mostly only kind words. likewise for the record, I got the nigh out of information technology past mentally just ctrl+f-replacing every mention of marriage to 'loving committed long-term partnership,' lol.

I'g non in my 30s and dying alone quite yet but honestly a lot of the time it feels like it and this book was a balm <3

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Apr 11, 2015 Julie Ehlers rated it actually liked it

I am not ordinarily one for dating books, and I thankfully have friends and family members who actually like and respect me and would never dream of telling me what I'm "doing wrong" (actually, I had ane "friend" who did that, and for that reason and a number of others, he'south no longer a friend). Only I became intrigued by this volume afterwards Meghan Daum recommended it in her feature here on Goodreads. I decided to pick it up, and I'm glad I did. I think many people, single or no, would benefit from rea I am not normally one for dating books, and I thankfully accept friends and family members who actually like and respect me and would never dream of telling me what I'm "doing wrong" (really, I had i "friend" who did that, and for that reason and a number of others, he's no longer a friend). But I became intrigued past this book after Meghan Daum recommended it in her feature here on Goodreads. I decided to pick it up, and I'1000 glad I did. I recollect many people, single or no, would benefit from reading this. Eckel calmly, efficiently, and humorously lays waste to about 100 stupid myths and nearly 1000 stupid magazine articles. A welcome dose of sanity. ...more

This is a book for single women who are sick of answering that question: why are you lot not married. And maybe information technology'south also for all their married friends. It is and then American of u.s. to think we are i book away from greatness, so female of u.s. to fall casualty to all those self-assistance books that hope to prepare usa so that we may be worthy of a human relationship. And that'southward what'south and then wryly radical well-nigh the premise of this book: what if nosotros were enough? Just as nosotros are. I loved this volume. This is a volume for unmarried women who are sick of answering that question: why are you non married. And maybe information technology'southward also for all their married friends. It is so American of us to remember we are 1 book away from greatness, so female of us to fall casualty to all those self-help books that hope to fix us so that we may be worthy of a relationship. And that'southward what's so wryly radical nearly the premise of this volume: what if we were enough? But as we are. I loved this volume. ...more

Feb 05, 2019 Mnrupe rated it liked it

This was a very comforting and reassuring read. I didn't find it as poignant as the original Mod Honey essay it was based on (or many other Modern Dearest columns in general). I also feel it was way longer than it needed to exist. But I did bask it as a prissy mix of memoir, reflection and a lilliputian bit of solid advice. This was a very comforting and reassuring read. I didn't find it equally poignant every bit the original Modernistic Love essay information technology was based on (or many other Modern Love columns in general). I also experience it was fashion longer than it needed to be. Just I did bask it as a nice mix of memoir, reflection and a little fleck of solid advice. ...more

May 06, 2018 Rikka rated it it was amazing

Everyone should read this book. Especially people in relationships so they stop giving shitty dating communication to single people.

Jul 03, 2014 Selwa rated information technology really liked information technology

One of my to the lowest degree favorite things near beingness a woman of Eye Eastern descent (really, a woman of any descent) is how intrusive people go when you're not married. I was 27 when I was told I should think about freezing my eggs. A few years later on, at a memorial service for an uncle, I was asked when I'd be getting married. When I responded that I'd marry someone when I institute someone I would want to ally, I was informed that "sooner is better than later". OK, thank you, distant relative. I'll just h One of my least favorite things about being a woman of Middle Eastern descent (actually, a woman of any descent) is how intrusive people become when you're not married. I was 27 when I was told I should think about freezing my eggs. A few years later, at a memorial service for an uncle, I was asked when I'd be getting married. When I responded that I'd marry someone when I found someone I would want to ally, I was informed that "sooner is better than subsequently". OK, thanks, distant relative. I'll just hop on over to the boyfriend store and get on that. It's non just Arabs that go all upward in ane's business ... a dermatology banana asked what kinds of guys I similar, if I was interested in trying online dating, etc., when I was 30 years erstwhile. I was beginning to wonder if she had a side job earning committee for Match.com or something.

The refreshing thing about being 35 is that now I've anile out of the system ... that aforementioned distant relative who wanted me to go married yesterday? The last time I saw her, she didn't say annihilation about husbands, opting instead to tell me I should beginning dying my hair, equally there is too much grey. So, win?

Anyway, my only regret with this book is that it didn't come out 5 (or so) years ago. The funny thing is that I do really accept a boyfriend now (suck information technology, distant relatives/medical assistants!). Simply I read Sara Eckel's piece in The New York Times at a very low point in my life, a bespeak that lasted nearly a year and got a bit hairy at times. I finished her cavalcade and promptly burst into tears. Here was someone, albeit a complete stranger, telling me that I wasn't the problem. It was a revelation, and I decided that that I'd read whatever volume she put out on the topic.

Then, aye ... If you recall that being unmarried is just the worst thing (equally opposed to, say, beingness in a bad relationship), or if you're tired of the racket from the sidelines about what yous're doing wrong, pick this upward and remind yourself that It's Non You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons Yous're Single.

P.S. My S.O. told me on our second date that his favorite of my features is my gray hair. Double-suck-it, y'all!

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Jul 31, 2015 Elizabeth rated it it was amazing

I know. Five stars is a lot for a self assist volume almost dating merely this book bests all the books in the genre. I don't know about yous merely most of the dating communication I've received was bad. It by and large goes along the lines of something is wrong with you or you're doing something wrong, and you cease up feeling shitty. Well, at that place is nada wrong with you, and this dating business is all just a matter of chance. This is 1 of the few dating books that isn't sexist, doesn't seem dated (pun intended) I know. Five stars is a lot for a self assistance book about dating but this volume bests all the books in the genre. I don't know about yous only most of the dating communication I've received was bad. It by and large goes forth the lines of something is wrong with you lot or you lot're doing something wrong, and you end up feeling shitty. Well, in that location is aught wrong with you, and this dating business is all simply a matter of chance. This is one of the few dating books that isn't sexist, doesn't seem dated (pun intended) and you feel better subsequently you lot read it because you know you're not crazy or the only one going through what you're going through. Instead of listening to the lame dating advice from your friends, family, or the terrible advice of anything out of the Mars and Venus series, Men Beloved Bitches, or He'due south Only Not That Into You, maybe read this volume to go a logical perspective. ...more

January 22, 2014 Wendy rated it really liked it

An excellent, intelligent, often funny book. Similar Bridget Jones in not-fiction form, the writer points out how contradictory all the conventional things people and books say are ("y'all're besides independent" / "you lot're too needy") and ultimately how pointless they all are anyway. Near cocky-help books will start out by telling y'all that all the other cocky-help books are incorrect, but and then become on to tell you why you should believe or practise this other matter instead. This book tells you all the other books are west An first-class, intelligent, oft funny book. Like Bridget Jones in non-fiction form, the writer points out how contradictory all the conventional things people and books say are ("you're too independent" / "yous're too needy") and ultimately how pointless they all are anyway. Near self-help books will first out by telling you that all the other cocky-assist books are wrong, but and then go on to tell you why you lot should believe or do this other thing instead. This book tells yous all the other books are wrong and the other things are as well wrong. No facile answers to a question she shows, over and over, is stupid in the beginning place. ...more than

One of the books describing how women are in dating situations. Interesting, entertainment to read the examples and fun to go to know women better.

This book was, actually, respectably on-point. I heard almost it through the "Love Hurts" serial of episodes on the "Strangers" podcast, and since that episode serial was really insightful, I figured information technology would be worthwhile to examine more of that in this book. This volume might be a bit more pop-psych/human relationship advice column-ish, merely it definitely doesn't descend into the cliches of supermarket checkout magazines a la "15 Moves In Bed That Will Totally Wow Him."

The premise of the book is taking

This book was, actually, respectably on-point. I heard about it through the "Love Hurts" serial of episodes on the "Strangers" podcast, and since that episode series was really insightful, I figured information technology would be worthwhile to examine more of that in this book. This book might be a bit more pop-psych/relationship advice column-ish, but it definitely doesn't descend into the cliches of supermarket checkout magazines a la "15 Moves In Bed That Will Totally Wow Him."

The premise of the book is taking all the common reasons people attribute to a person beingness single over a corking span of time: you're too picky, yous're too available, you're too intimidating, you lot're besides negative, yous should have married that guy, etc. At that place are 27 chapters (each of which take a scattering of minutes to read, so it lends itself well to i or two installments at a time, before bed, on the porcelain throne, etc.). Each affiliate challenges the validity of these kinds of assessments.

So I came into the volume skeptical because I thought the writer would just pat the reader on the back and tell them they're doing nothing incorrect because "It'southward Not You," as the title of the book is. Which I didn't think would be a wise approach considering it would enable people who are doing a crummy job at seeking what they seek, making them complacent with their approach and call up, "oh, everyone else is wrong when they criticize me, and then I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing." Still, to the book'southward credit, it DOES illustrate how each of these criticisms can concord true if your behavior goes too far. For instance in the chapter You lot're Too Picky it validates the practise of holding out and not settling for someone mediocre and seemingly "practiced plenty," but also advises you against ditching someone for something fairly lilliputian such as, they like the wrong sports team of season of latte or any.

So, while I wouldn't categorize this every bit a bible of singlehood, I volition say that it successfully and articulately challenges a lot of common ideas that people tend to assume are true without a 2d thought, ideas that are counterproductive and the dismissal of which would be beneficial. In that fashion yous tin sort of think of information technology every bit a self-help therapy session or whatever.

I will say that it seemed odd to me that the introduction of the book gives the caveat that "this volume has advice/thoughts that tin can apply to anyone, simply it'due south especially geared toward women." I recall that was a boneheaded limitation for the author to put on herself considering I read through information technology and never thought to myself, "Well this affiliate was a waste of time considering it had stuff that really only pertains to women". What if I had picked up the book in the bookstore, read the introduction and then put it back thinking it was a chick book? Information technology was all reasonably universal. I wonder if the writer and the editor went dorsum and along on how to present this.

Finally, I perused the existing reviews of this book and I am flabbergasted that some people mention that they felt betrayed that the author was in fact married at the time of writing the volume. Mind up you boneheads. This is non a book geared toward people who take deliberately chosen the single life, but rather for those who are aiming for lifelong partnership and are stumbling forth the way and not getting anywhere. At present, the author got married at 40 Two and thus had two decades of floundering singlehood and the fact that she eventually did get married validates a lot of what she discusses, for example almost reasonably holding out for the right person and not getting as well-besides discouraged or giving up because you're still single into your belatedly thirties. This volume would be totally weird if she hadn't ended up getting married, because it would take been a whole book of "Y'all're not doing anything incorrect, and so only continue it up and eventually you'll find success although I myself oasis't but trust me girl y'all gonna do it." Listen to how dumb that would have sounded.

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Feb 07, 2014 Megan rated it information technology was amazing

This book makes me supremely happy. Sara Eckel'south It'southward Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single is both an uplifting and amusing breaking apart of the reasons a adult female past her mid-twenties might still be single. She approaches a very sensitive topic with grace and honesty listing twenty-seven different reasons that she was over the years and tearing them downwardly.

I appreciated the fact that this book isn't just Eckel's opinions written down either. The book is full stories of other women and snippet

This book makes me supremely happy. Sara Eckel's Information technology's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single is both an uplifting and agreeable breaking apart of the reasons a woman past her mid-twenties might still exist single. She approaches a very sensitive topic with grace and honesty listing xx-seven unlike reasons that she was over the years and violent them down.

I appreciated the fact that this volume isn't just Eckel's opinions written downward either. The book is full stories of other women and snippets from other books dealing with the topic of being older and withal single. What I found most profound was the many discussions of the way Eckel's personally changed her thinking well-nigh beingness single and life in general. The Buddhist practices and proverbs she shared were very intriguing and though I have no intention of taking upward Buddhism I am very interested to train myself in some of those practices- lovingkindness and self-compassion equally specific examples.

The last matter that I greatly appreciated nearly Eckel's book is that she explains and helps the reader meet simply how beneficial a single person is: to her friends, to her family, to the earth. In the end the best lesson gleaned is that the time and free energy a single woman is able to devote to the people and causes that are important to her is significant and should be historic, non shamed. Or and of form: Enjoy life! Don't settle or live waiting for the future.

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January 08, 2016 Carolyn rated information technology really liked it

A lot of this book felt like it came out of my own experience. Yes, I am 47 iii/4 (my 48th is simply v weeks away) and single…

My most favorited and relisted list (on BJ Novak's list app) is a list of "Worst Parts of Being Single" with the penultimate particular existence:

"Asked 'WHY are you lot single?' [over and over and once more]."

This book is basically an exploration of the things people say to you equally a perennially single person…and the ways they are absolutely wrong in those things even when well-intention

A lot of this book felt like information technology came out of my own experience. Aye, I am 47 3/four (my 48th is only 5 weeks away) and unmarried…

My most favorited and relisted list (on BJ Novak'due south list app) is a list of "Worst Parts of Beingness Unmarried" with the penultimate item being:

"Asked 'WHY are you unmarried?' [over and over and over once again]."

This book is basically an exploration of the things people say to y'all as a perennially single person…and the means they are absolutely wrong in those things even when well-intentioned.

Coincidentally Jessa Crispin (formerly of Bookslut) published an commodity in the Times today that hitting on this topic likewise: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/10/opi...

I honey information technology when coincidences / resonances like this happen in my reading life.

Why iv stars instead of v? To hilariously steal from my friend Sean's review of the Ta-Nehisi Coates' book, "The only reason it didn't get five stars is because I didn't experience it offered "a transcendent vision for a way forward." " Maybe information technology's considering I've been reading so much Brene Brown lately just I felt similar everything that's suggested as a way to non exist despondent about your singleness in this volume is stuff I'1000 already doing.

...more than

Oct 05, 2018 Alyssa Foll rated it it was amazing

I very much appreciated this lite-hearted, yet thoughtful book on singleness and all the "reasons" that you will hear for your singleness. It's written from a secular perspective and in that location is some profanity, but I would still recommend this to Christian singles because so many of the "reasons" go spiritualized and used in church contexts, likewise. I very much appreciated this light-hearted, all the same thoughtful book on singleness and all the "reasons" that you will hear for your singleness. It's written from a secular perspective and there is some profanity, just I would still recommend this to Christian singles because so many of the "reasons" get spiritualized and used in church contexts, too. ...more

Sep 24, 2018 Jillian rated information technology really liked information technology

Read this if y'all're single. And Delight read this if you lot're not unmarried.

Aug 08, 2014 Lisa rated it it was astonishing

Though geared towards never-married women of a certain age, I found truthful comfort in Eckel's book. Anyone on their own, alone, or lonely--peculiarly women, who behave the burden of "what's incorrect with you?" comments--could find solace, a bud of cocky-compassion, acceptance, and love about their life right now, in this moment, without a mate. I wrote down several page numbers and specific, "hit the nail on the head" excerpts to share on my blog. I've a new sense of "c'est la vie" well-nigh my single once more Though geared towards never-married women of a certain age, I found true comfort in Eckel's book. Anyone on their own, lonely, or solitary--especially women, who acquit the brunt of "what's wrong with you?" comments--could find solace, a bud of self-compassion, credence, and love about their life correct at present, in this moment, without a mate. I wrote downwardly several page numbers and specific, "hitting the nail on the head" excerpts to share on my blog. I've a new sense of "c'est la vie" about my single again status and dating.

Eckel isn't a Buddhist but studies it and as a result, it informs her writing here. I believe that's what drew me read it. My meditation do has taken on more pregnant. She writes nigh the importance of self-acceptance, a topic explored in Tara Brach'southward books. I enjoyed Daring Profoundly (and understand why the matchmaker/friend "couldn't get into information technology" now ;)) and look forwards to reading Radical Acceptance. That's the "more pregnant" I've gained from my exercise. How much easier it is (non e'er, of course) to alive and relish the present, letting the past get and not worrying about the futurity (as much) turning out like the distorted pic in my listen. For me, learning to permit go of others' expectations for me and the guilt when I fail to alive a certain fashion is replaced with growing liberty. If you can understand and embrace impermanence, the "scales" of failure and fault fall abroad.

Sounds New-Agey, perchance, but I can dig it and I don't burn incense or own any crystals. Highly recommended.

...more

Feb 10, 2014 Rachel rated it really liked information technology

Really loved the beginning one-half of this book. The 2d half felt a little repetitive, but overall a great, fast read. This volume should almost be required reading for all women, regardless of marital status. It puts into words everything I feel when my married friends say things insinuating how "fun" "carefree" or "easy" my life must be, and at the aforementioned time, it respects those married friends and explains that they aren't trying to exist cavalier. Really loved the first half of this book. The 2nd half felt a little repetitive, just overall a smashing, fast read. This volume should well-nigh exist required reading for all women, regardless of marital status. It puts into words everything I feel when my married friends say things insinuating how "fun" "carefree" or "like shooting fish in a barrel" my life must exist, and at the same fourth dimension, information technology respects those married friends and explains that they aren't trying to be condescending. ...more

Aug 13, 2016 Alexandra rated it it was amazing

I could non recommend this book more. It's not a how-to near finding a spouse or improving yourself so that you're "worthy" of love. It's a powerful manifesto about dear, cocky, and recognizing that the "rest of your life" is right now. You are not on hold simply because y'all haven't found the person you're meant for. I feel empowered, grateful for my life, and hopeful for my future, whether it includes a hubby or non. Much love to Sara Eckel! I could not recommend this book more. It'south not a how-to about finding a spouse or improving yourself then that yous're "worthy" of love. It'due south a powerful manifesto most beloved, cocky, and recognizing that the "rest of your life" is right at present. You are non on hold simply because yous oasis't institute the person you're meant for. I feel empowered, grateful for my life, and hopeful for my future, whether information technology includes a hubby or not. Much love to Sara Eckel! ...more

Aug fourteen, 2018 Penny Raspenny rated information technology actually liked it

This volume was refreshing.

It really makes you exhale securely later on reading it. After seeing all these "reasons" put under the spotlight and analyzed with pure sense. And let's admit information technology. We all hear these voices saying exactly the same things
in our heads, every time we wonder about what the hell is incorrect.

I think I volition exist coming dorsum to this when I hear all those ridiculous reasons thrown to my confront once more from people with an all-knowing look.

This volume was refreshing.

It really makes you breathe deeply afterward reading it. After seeing all these "reasons" put under the spotlight and analyzed with pure sense. And let's acknowledge it. Nosotros all hear these voices proverb exactly the same things
in our heads, every time nosotros wonder near what the hell is wrong.

I think I will be coming back to this when I hear all those ridiculous reasons thrown to my face again from people with an all-knowing expect.

...more

Dec 17, 2018 Allison rated it actually liked information technology

I could talk about each chapter and go over everything I loved, everything I liked, and everything I didn't similar (or that didn't seem to apply to me) but that would brand for 1 long review.
I volition say, if I weren't so adamantly opposed to marking up books, there are a few passages I would highlight. Some of them just really spoke to me and the place I'm at right now.

That existence said, I have a discussion of caution most egg freezing. Anyone because it should non assume it is the perfect solution an

I could talk about each chapter and go over everything I loved, everything I liked, and everything I didn't similar (or that didn't seem to use to me) just that would make for one long review.
I will say, if I weren't so adamantly opposed to marker upward books, there are a few passages I would highlight. Some of them just really spoke to me and the identify I'chiliad at right now.

That being said, I accept a give-and-take of caution about egg freezing. Anyone considering it should not assume it is the perfect solution and I wish the author hadn't touted information technology and then highly. Excuse the pun, but exercise not put all your eggs in one basket. Egg freezing has potential and I'm sure someone is working on making information technology better as I blazon this, but information technology is nonetheless relatively new and the chances for success yet seem to be less than that of embryo freezing. Information technology is also expensive and so requires the additional necessary expense of IVF. Another difficulty is that information technology is a game of quality over quantity. If you stimulate the body into producing a lot of eggs at once, they will often end up existence lower quality. This means fewer will survive thawing, fewer volition fertilize, fewer still will brand information technology to iii-solar day blastocysts or v-twenty-four hour period blastocysts and of those that do, fewer will implant.
Finally, in that location was at least one cryogenic storage facility that lost both normal power and its backup generators, meaning whatever stored eggs and embryos were lost.
The author makes this choice audio downright viable, given enough coin. But again I circumspection - don't pin all your hopes on this ane solution.

Otherwise, it was great to hear I'grand not alone in the many thoughts, feelings, and experiences of being unmarried well into machismo.

...more

Jul twenty, 2021 Jennifer rated information technology information technology was ok

The point of this book information technology seemed was to list a agglomeration of reasons people continually give for why you're single followed by rationalization on why this isn't true. The problem though is that I remember about cipher from this book and I but finished reading information technology. A great deal of the time I couldn't fifty-fifty remember what the affiliate was about midway through and had to take a gander up at the top of the page to remind myself. It wasn't a horribly boring read, just since information technology made absolutely no difference The point of this book it seemed was to list a bunch of reasons people continually give for why you lot're single followed by rationalization on why this isn't true. The problem though is that I remember almost null from this book and I just finished reading information technology. A great bargain of the time I couldn't even remember what the chapter was about midway through and had to take a gander up at the top of the folio to remind myself. It wasn't a horribly boring read, but since it fabricated admittedly no divergence in my life (and how could information technology if I tin can't call up anything) I had to requite it only two stars. ...more

May 05, 2021 Alina rated it really liked it

I read this volume because it was recommended on a podcast I'chiliad listening to (thanks Evi)! And I...really loved it. Sara Eckel debunks myths about why you're single and actually backs up her arguments with research and data. Her approach is refreshing and the writing style is lovely. I'm glad I read it. I read this volume considering it was recommended on a podcast I'm listening to (thanks Evi)! And I...really loved it. Sara Eckel debunks myths about why you're single and actually backs up her arguments with research and data. Her arroyo is refreshing and the writing mode is lovely. I'm glad I read it. ...more

Jul 11, 2017 Hannah rated it information technology was amazing

A few choppy sections in the second half, but overall a beautiful book well-nigh compassion. Learning self pity if you're single and agreement how to be empathetic if you married before you got a taste of such pain. A few choppy sections in the second half, but overall a beautiful book about compassion. Learning self compassion if you lot're single and understanding how to be compassionate if y'all married before y'all got a sense of taste of such pain. ...more

Sara Eckel is the author of It'due south Not Y'all: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Unmarried (TarcherPerigee). Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe Magazine, The Daily Beast, The Shambhala Dominicus, Martha Stewart Living, Self, Working Mother and other publications. She lives in Kingston, NY, with her husband. Sara Eckel is the author of It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Unmarried (TarcherPerigee). Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Mail service, The Boston Earth Magazine, The Daily Brute, The Shambhala Sun, Martha Stewart Living, Cocky, Working Mother and other publications. She lives in Kingston, NY, with her hubby. ...more than

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New yr, new you! Or perhaps the aforementioned you, only a 2.0 version? The start of a new year's day is known for resolutions, which, as we all know,...

"Here's a thought: Maybe you've remained single well into machismo considering...you know what you're doing. Because there is something correct with y'all." — v likes

"Loneliness is treated similar the ultimate taboo; at the same time, information technology's regarded every bit a trifle. That to be a xxx-vii-year-old who has spent a decade without someone to agree her mitt at the doctor'south office is akin to being a thirteen-yr-former sighing over a boy band.

Again, I know—'unmarried' is not a synonym for 'solitary.' I know there are many lonely married people, every bit well equally lots of unmarried people who take a rich network of deep social connections—friends, sisters, daughters, nephews, etc.—whose lives are equally far from Heller'southward unhappy narrator every bit can be.

Only for many of u.s.a., living alone in a society that is so rigorously constructed around couples and nuclear families is hard on the soul."

— 4 likes

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